How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
