ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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