Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
