Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
