Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize