I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
