dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
