I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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