she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
