Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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