He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
