mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
