we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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