I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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