You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I puked a lego.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
