Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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