Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
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