Porn is love you can see.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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