I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
