Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
