We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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