someone get that fucking seahorse.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
