Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
