I think I won the penis lottery.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
