You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
