Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
