Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
You peed on a flamingo?!?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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