dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
