get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize