PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
