I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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