I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize