somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
