How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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