I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
You ruined the universe
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
