she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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