You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize