You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
