so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
