She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
