i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
They have beer where we have blood.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
