fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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