dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
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