Where is the hickey?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
