i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
