We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
