I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize