no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
