So drunk its hurt
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
