thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize