Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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