i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
