He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Randomize
