Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
