Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
What drink are we having for lunch?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
