this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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