my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
