hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
