I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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