i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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