I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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