dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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