Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
