There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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