i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize