The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
