Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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