he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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