my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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