At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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