my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
