I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
