Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
