i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
