i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
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