He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
