I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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