So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
