Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize