And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
