just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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