He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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