Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
