'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
