So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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