don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
