If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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