I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
