i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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