you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
