He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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