Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
